Tabula Rosa
by Lab7417
Summary: Edward finally grants Bella's fondest wish...only when she recieves it she has no idea what it is. Don't want to give too much away. If anyone has a better summary after reading then please share!
1. Chapter 1

Tabula Rosa

**Edward**

Why did I ever let her drive? I would ask myself that question a million times I was sure as the sound of the car horn was deafening in my ears. We had been on our way back from my house to drop her off at hers. It had started as a complaint on the way to my house that evening about how Bella never got to drive anymore; how I was always shuttling her places. I had tried to remind her how important her safety was to me but she had stubbornly gone on about how I was being possessive with the car; and because I haven't been able to deny my Bella anything since I got back from Italy I tossed her the keys as we walked out my front door.

She was an excellent driver in her own defense and though she didn't know it I had seen her drive many times, after all I had to be sure she was safe. I wasn't going to be parted from her again by anything other than old age. She had tried desperately to swerve and miss the driver that was over into our lane but by the time they had drifted that far Bella had no room. My car had plunged head-long into the other car and Bella's head had hit the windshield knocking her unconscious. That had been before the cars had careened off the road and Bella had been folded against a tree. Thankfully her drivers' seat had bucked up and was now leaned on its side against me or she might be even more entangled with the metal. As soon as the car stopped moving I tried to get Bella to awaken. I shook her slightly though trying not to move her too much because I was worried about the extent of her injuries. There was blood gushing from several places on her head and face and her left arm and leg were definitely broken. My next thought was of the other driver. I couldn't get my door open so I busted out the window and climbed out. The other car was in worse shape than the mangled remains of mine. The windshield was shattered and I saw no sign of the driver. I followed the rampant smell of blood. It was easy to distinguish Bella's from the rest. I found the driver about forty feet from her vehicle, dead. My panic increased then and I raced back to Bella's side of the vehicle, praying to God that he might bring her through this. I would have promised him my very soul in exchange if I had it to give. Police and ambulance arrived at the same time. I could hear Charlie's racing thoughts before he ever even got out of the car. It was he who noticed that I had Bella's blood all over my white shirt. I owed him this much.

I raced up to meet him as he was getting out of his car, "she's alive Charlie. She's alive and breathing but not conscious."

"What the hell happened?" Charlie raged. He had no place for his anxiety but with me so I let him yell.

"Bella was driving and the other driver jerked the car into our lane and Bella didn't have any time. There just wasn't any time."

We had reached the wreckage once more and I tried to get as close as I could to Bella – so did Charlie – but that was a difficult task as there were at least four men working on freeing her. I would have lifted her out myself the moment the cars stopped but my father was a doctor and I knew better.

Twenty minutes it took them to get her free; twenty minutes in which her heartbeat grew more labored; twenty minutes of Charlie's worried motivation. Finally free of the wreckage they strapped her onto a backboard and hurried to carry her to the ambulance. Suddenly it dawned on me that it was Charlie they would ask to go with her. I held back; the moment the scene was clear I would run. I'd be there with her no matter what. Charlie looked at me a moment then and gestured towards the ambulance.

"Go, she'll want you. I've got to escort them," Charlie said gruffly. Suddenly I was in love with the man. I raced to catch them as they loaded her up. They didn't even wait to get an IV in before they were racing for the hospital. I held her hand the whole way hoping that she would open those beautiful brown eyes so I could tell her that everything would be okay; but she didn't. The medical team was waiting for us at the doors and the stretcher was instantly surrounded by personnel. I ran along as far as I could; so did Charlie when he joined us but soon we were both stopped by the nurses at the Trauma room doors. I could do nothing but watch through the window as my Bella was surrounded by nurses, doctors and machines. It wasn't long before I saw a familiar face enter.

"That's Carlisle," I said to Charlie, "he's the best."

"So I've heard," Charlie barely answered. We stayed glued to the glass then and every moment felt like an eternity. Suddenly I heard the heart monitor coding and my stomach clenched. It was a good thing I didn't need to breathe at that moment because I couldn't have done it. It took them three times with the paddles before they got a pulse again. I felt an anger I had never known before welling up inside me. Why did it have to be her? Had I been driving I could have calculated the car to safety or even worse case scenario I would have healed quickly. Why did it have to be Bella?

I looked through the doors again and an eerie feeling stole through me. Carlisle was looking through the whole throng of nurses, equipment and pandemonium. He was staring straight at me. A few moments later I knew why as the machines began to code in cascades. First one machine was beeping then another and another. I heard Charlie's scream followed by tears as he banged his fist against a wall and a nurse came to him. Three more attempts they made with the paddles but the machines continued to sound. I watched in silent horror – half my gaze on Bella and half my gaze still locked with Carlisle's – as the nurses turned off the various machines; finally they silenced the heart monitor's alarm.

"Time of death 11:02pm," Carlisle announced painfully and for once I was thankful that I could not shed a single tear. I knew why Carlisle was staring at me. There was a choice to be made and a very limited window in which to make it. If I waited too long the blood would be too cold to circulate and I would lose any hope of having my Bella. She had no choice anymore; I had no choice anymore. There wasn't going to be an old-age option for my Bella. I now held her future in my hands. Did I deliver her to heaven or selfishly keep her for myself. I wanted to make the right choice so badly but instead I gave Carlisle one quick and precise nod and he knew what it meant.

The machines were still on to keep Bella warm and once Carlisle came out and delivered Charlie the devastating news which he already knew Charlie was allowed to go in and see Bella; to say goodbye. How do you look a man in the eye when you knew that this would be the last memory that he would have of his daughter, but that you would have her? We gave Charlie as much time as we possibly could during which Alice had arrived and Carlisle had laid out the plan. When Charlie came out he actually gave me an uncertain and somewhat uncomfortable hug and told me that he was sorry. I couldn't say anything so I hoped my expression gave him what he needed. Then a couple of nurses covered Bella's body and wheeled her down to the morgue where Carlisle was pretending to do the paperwork.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked as soon as the coast was clear.

"Just tell me what I have to do"

"Just bite her," Carlisle replied.

"No, what if I'm not strong enough? Please help me," I said frantic that we may already be too late.

"I cannot. I am going to have to do the compressions to circulate the blood," Carlisle said and in fact he was already in position and at the ready. He started chest compressions then and looked at me a moment later. I raised her wrist on her right arm – the one that wasn't broken in three places – closed my eyes and bit. Long minutes went by with Carlisle working valiantly and I even started rubbing her extremities to help circulation. Suddenly her eyes flew open in shock.

"Thank God," Carlisle said as he hopped down and Bella began to squirm in earnest. "Alright, out that door and Alice is waiting. You're going to the airport where there's a plane and then to Athens. I don't want to be far from a hospital where I have privileges if I need them. I'm going to clean up here and then I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you father," I said sincerely, "I don't know what I would have done if I had lost her."

"Take care of her," Carlisle stressed, "these next three days are going to be touch and go."

I nodded and gathering Bella's wriggling body into my arms I hurried for the door and once I knew there was no one there save Alice we quickly bundled Bella into the car. Alice raced for the airport while informing me that they had packed up and everyone else was waiting on the plane for us. Carlisle would have the hardest job of all. I hoped that he would hurry because I desperately wanted him at Bella's side watching over her. We met with no resistance at the airport and soon joined the others on the plane. It was a long and mostly silent flight as everyone stood vigil over Bella save Rosalie who was reading.

Once we reached Athens and then took a short water taxi ride to another of our own personal islands we were home free as far as the human world was concerned. Owning your own island had its advantages. I carefully carried Bella up to my bungalow and placed her on the bed. It was a room with a spectacular view of the crystal blue waters and I had always loved it. I couldn't wait for Bella to love it too. After all she would probably be ecstatic when she woke up. I had given her what she had been asking for.

Carlisle arrived two days after us having stayed for the funeral and to explain that the grief had just been too much for me. The funeral had conveniently been closed casket and most of the town had turned out to mourn Charlie Swan's daughter. Bella meanwhile had been through her own personal hell, screaming as the venom had started racing through her body; healing her and changing her at the same time.

Carlisle was checking on her the next day when her writhing finally stopped and her violent red eyes fluttered open. I smiled at her warmly, so glad to see those eyes open even if they weren't the same beautiful brown that I remembered.

"Hey beautiful," I said softly squeezing her hand reassuringly. She looked around then, taking everything in before her eyes met mine once more.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"We're in Greece. It's our own personal island," I replied. She furrowed her brow and seemed to become apprehensive.

"Should I know you?" she asked and Carlisle rushed to her side.

"How are you feeling Bella?" he asked gently.

"Fine I guess. My throat's a little sore. Why?"

"What's the last thing that you remember?" Carlisle asked gently.

"Umm…I think I was getting ready for my first day of school," she said and my panic began to rise.

"And what grade are you this year?" Carlisle asked in a calm that I envied.

"I'm a junior. I just transferred here…well I mean to Forks," she looked around. "Where's my dad anyhow?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I couldn't begin to express the panic that was racing through me to fill up every pore with icy dread. Bella didn't know me; didn't know Carlisle; didn't know any of us and more importantly it seemed didn't even know that vampires existed. How was I going to tell her that she was a vampire now when she thought we only existed in horror movies? The concern in Carlisle's eyes matched mine for only a moment before he blinked the expression away but it was enough for Bella to pick up on.

"Where's my Dad?" she began to panic, "what's happened; what aren't you telling me?"

Alice chose just that moment to come bounding in but the sober expressions on our faces soon halted her progression.

"Bella," she asked hesitantly, "is everything alright?"

"Who are you?" Bella asked turning to my sister. Alice looked to Carlisle with confusion and devastation. "She doesn't know us?"

"Should I know you? Why don't I remember you? Has something happened to me?" Bella tried to spring off the bed in panic and it was Carlisle that helped settle her again and I stepped back to stand by Alice in hope that we might comfort each other while we sorted this out.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen, Bella, a doctor at the hospital there in Forks. You were involved in an extremely serious accident and it seems that you may have lost some of your memory. Now typically this is caused by trauma to the brain which you suffered and often times when the swelling in the brain goes down and it heals itself a patient finds that their memories return…but sometimes they don't."

"How much time am I missing?" Bella asked with a frown.

_A lifetime_ my heart answered silently. How were we going to explain all of this to her? She was going to think we were all crazy. What about Charlie? What if she tried to contact him? Things had suddenly become so complicated.

"You're missing about 21 months it seems," Carlisle replied gently. I didn't miss the alarm in Bella's eyes. What were we going to do when she looked in a mirror? Of course she had to be told…and then there was our relationship, or sudden lack thereof. As far as Bella was concerned I had never existed. It was exactly what I had wanted when I had run away to Italy but so far from what I wanted right now that I had to concentrate on not grabbing her into my arms and holding her tightly. Right now she wasn't my Bella and though we would have to explain to her that she was a Cullen now; I began to wonder with growing dread if she would ever be my Bella again.

"Why am I here with you? Where's Charlie; did something happen to him?" Bella asked with alarm.

"No," Carlisle said gently and he laid his hand atop Bella's, "something happened to you. Let us start at the beginning, I don't ordinarily recommend this, usually I advise a patient to let their memories return on the own but you have very – unusual – circumstances. You went to high school that first day of your junior year and you took biology. That's where you met my son Edward. He tried to avoid you and it seemed to evoke your curiosity but it seemed that neither of you could help yourself; that fate had intervened; you two were determined to be in each other's life. It was only a couple of months before you figured out our big secret –that we are cold as ice, that we don't come out into the sunlight in public, that we don't eat in the same sense as most humans…do you remember any of this?"

Bella looked as confused as when she had first began asking questions and now she seemed to be growing increasingly apprehensive. She shook her head to Carlisle's question and he sighed. "Well at least it's not breaking a rule anymore," he said.

"What's not breaking a rule"

"What you discovered my dear; that Edward, myself, Alice here, in fact the whole Cullen family are vampires."

Bella burst into laughter then, "what is this some kind of reality show? This is crazy! Nice try but the plot is really way out there. Vampires?"

"Yes vampires," Carlisle said remaining calm and it was his lack of reaction that caused Bella to stop laughing, "and when you and Edward fell in love you kept that secret and it wasn't long before you were asking to be one of us. You and Edward are very in love you see."

Bella turned to look at me and her gaze was so penetrating that I felt as though she was seeing all of me – inside and out. It was as though she was searching, hoping to find some connection and I grabbed hold of the same hope afraid to look away lest she find her memories in my eyes. Finally she looked away and my shoulders slumped as I felt the weight of this hopelessness descending upon me.

"You spent so much time with us Charlie was always on the verge of grounding you permanently," Carlisle laughed softly. Then he sobered as he continued, "on the night of your accident you were headed back to Charlie's house with Edward; in his car. You were driving when a car swerved into your lane and struck you head on. You were rushed to the hospital and we did everything we could to save you but in the end we had no recourse left; Edward had no recourse but to change you."

"Change me into what?" Bella asked with almost total incomprehension on her features.

"Into a vampire Bella," I said gutturally; I couldn't stand the tension any longer, "I changed you like you had been asking ever since the prom and now you don't even remember anything!" I threw open the double doors and fled at lightning speed. I couldn't stand to be there one more moment.

I watched from a distance and my dead heart twisted painfully as I saw Bella thrash in total hysterics as Carlisle explained the rest to her. Finally he was forced to sedate her. Alice found me down at the beach a while later.

"It will come back; her memory…"

"You've seen it?" I asked hopefully.

"Well no," Alice replied hesitantly, "but this one I just know."

"No, we don't know anything. She might never get those memories back Alice. She may never remember you, Jasper, Rose, Esme, Emmet, Carlisle or me. We may have to start from scratch all over again…and things will be completely different."

"I refuse to believe it," Alice said stubbornly setting her jaw as she firmed her resolve, "my sister is going to come back to me; to you; to all of us. It's just going to take some time that's all."

"And what are we going to do in the meantime?"

"Help her to be Bella, the new and improved Bella," Alice tried to lighten the mood but received only a scoff from me for her efforts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"What is wrong with you people?" Bella fussed at Alice in between bouts of retching. Alice was holding her hair back as they knelt together on the floor in the bathroom and I was leaned against the doorframe. Bella had eaten a fig for the third time and a vampire body cannot digest human food of that nature.

"Bella we've tried telling you; we're vampires and so are you now. We don't eat food like humans do," Alice said gently.

"Let's say I believed you for a second, because this is the longest nightmare I've ever had, what do you eat?"

"We suck the blood from animals and we're taking you out to teach you as soon as you're finished here," Alice said firmly. Bella was starting to test even Alice's patience with her refusal to believe her current state. A few minutes later when Bella was finished Alice and I led her outside and to the base of the forested hilltop that made up part of our island and which we kept stocked with game.

"Okay now keep up with us and follow our lead," I said and then we all began to run, first at a human pace and then faster and faster to ease Bella into the abilities of her new body. Finally we arrived at what Alice and I had been tracking all along. We explained the procedure to Bella but in the end it was sheer panic that caused her to kill the fox. One bite was all it took though for her vampire instincts to kick in; much to my relief. While Bella was feasting Alice and I made our own kills and joined her and this seemed to settle her.

"What else is different now that I'm changed," Bella asked a while later as we walked from the forested area and down onto the beach at a much more leisurely pace.

"Well your skin glistens for starters," I said gently and watched with fascination as she regarded her arms and then mine. The look on her face was one of admiration, the same as it had been the first time she had seen my skin. I longed for those days back. I longed for Bella to remember.

"My eyes are red," Bella added after a moment.

"That's only because you are a newborn," I said gently, "they'll turn back brown so long as you continue with animal blood."

"Do all real vampires drink animal blood?" she asked, "So human blood is something they make up in horror movies?"

"No…drinking animal blood is something that Carlisle came up with. For him the burden of human souls was too great with a traditional vampire diet so he made the choice to stick with animals and as each of us joined him we chose to make the same choice.

"I don't want to drink human blood either. I don't want to kill anyone." Bella said adamantly.

"I won't let you Bella," I said gently, "don't worry. We're your family now and we will protect you."

We had wandered into the wet sand now and each incoming wave lapped at our shins. The sand shifted a little and Bella became wobbly. She reached out and grabbed my hand to steady herself. In an instant I made sure that she was stable. She laughed lightly and her eyes sparkled as she looked at me. It was several long moments before she broke the connection and removed her hand from mine. I instantly felt bereft.

"I wish that I remembered you," she said gently, "any of you…"

"I hope that your memory will come back soon," I replied, "Carlisle said that there was a good chance."

We spent most of the rest of the afternoon just walking along the beach. She sounded just like herself. She talked of her time in Phoenix, her mom, Phil and Charlie. Everything in her life was there; everything was the same-except us. It was pleasurable and painful at the same time to listen to her stories.

"How did we meet?" she asked after we had been silent for a while. I had been admiring the myriad of colors that were glistening on her skin as the sun's rays were reflected. Now I had to think of the best answer to give her. Carlisle had called a family meeting that first night and had stressed the importance of not trying to fill in the blanks for Bella. He said the best way was for Bella to get them back all on her own. He said that if she didn't in a couple of months then we would re-evaluate the situation.

"At school," I said hoping that would satisfy her but knowing at the same time how stubborn my Bella can be. She responded by giving me a look that screamed 'no kidding'. "Has anything come back to you yet? Anything about your time in Forks?"

She was instantly frustrated, "No. Why can't you all just tell me?"

"It might mess with your memories coming back. You wouldn't know if the information belonged to you or if we had given it to you," I sighed.

"I hate this!" She growled and then left me in her wake as she hurried up the beach to the main living building. I echoed with my own softer growl and flopped down onto the sand watching as the waves rolled in and out around me.


End file.
